As we go through life we will all have to face challenges, some of these of events / challenges we will face with great courage where we will overcome them with gusto, and in other times we will fail miserably. But nevertheless we will continue to try even if its against all the odds of success.
Some people describe this as being pigheaded, determined or in Irish terms, { A Thick that just won’t give up !!}
Sometimes these unbearable challenges are hoisted upon us by way of serious ill health which in most cases are life threatening as we hang on by our fingertips and hope that the Surgeons will get it right as we are wheeled into the theater for our biggest challenge.
Knowing of course that the real work will only begin when we arrive back into the intensive care unit as our nurses and doctors will await your waking up out of your very own anesthetic !!
But can you imagine if in your later life you had to face that four/five times as you fight to recover every time, and all are for a different illness but at the same time all related to the first illness.
Sometimes the body just cant take any more as we suffer unbearable pain which just never seems to relent or even lessen.
It’s called chronic pain, a pain that will drive you down into the darkest place, a place no one ever wants to go, it is called ACUTE DEPRESSION !!
An illness that is even more life endangering / threatening than any psychical illness, simply because we have lost all our reasons to live, where the taking of ones own life is seen to be the answer.
No more pain, no longer are we a burden to our family, we will reach out to our God and seek love, comfort and forgiveness for our sins and for which we intend to do.
Or hope that a doctor would just say we can’t do any more for you, as he tells you I can only say 6 months to a year and then it will be all over no more pain no more suffering
But then we wake up one morning and we decide to give our god forsaken life one more try { The Thick Irish Man}.
But then all the questions start.
Why can’t you just allow me to go to your judgement rather than have all these people judge me and my life;
Why ? all the questions but few answers.
How will we try and tame that black dog of depression and anxiety,and if so how ?
Who will help me?,
Who will understand me?
Was this awakening the hand of comfort from my God.?
Is he/she telling me I had more to do on this earth and I am not ready to take you?
Am I to face further suffering and pain? what more pain will I have to endure, or is my God to give me further strength to bear this cross,? to shine that light of hope, and where will that shining light take me?, Will He guide me to my inner peace? will He pick me up when I fall ?
When self doubt raises its head will He guide me back and give me the strength to overcome my weakness and fear.
Once again more questions than answers !!
Then I ask ? what was it that awoke me that morning, what was it that told me I was going to be OK, its not your time and as we don’t know or understand the human mind but something was talking to me, so I decided it was time to follow my mind. This was to be the first step of many in my recovery.
As I put my trust in that voice in my mind, which has guided me home and out of that darkness into the brightness of a new spring, where just like the daffodils sprouting from the darkness of the soil I too am reborn into life’s brightness.
Philip Kelly Ireland.com 