When I was putting this poster together, it all happened without thought or intention from me.
When I was in hospital recently one of my fellow patients asked me to go this therapy so I decided I would if no other reason than to kill time and to stop Eddie giving out to me !!!
As we entered the therapy room all I could see were four tables and six people at each table which where covered with magazines and six pairs of scissors and everyone ready to go I thought,what next? here we are back at primary school cutting out pictures as Eddie stands back laughing at the shock on my face as I say “Jesus Eddie what have you got me into this time ? !!!” but never the less I said as promised I would stay and give it ago as we took up our seats
I started to look through the magazines to find pictures when suddenly I saw the heading:
I’m Beginning To Accept Myself For Who I am :
At this point something strange started to happen. As I was continuing to leaf through the pages I felt that this was not me in charge off this project but my mind and that my hands where only the instruments to do its bidding as more and more pictures presented themselves to me which I blindly stuck to the cardboard to create the poster.
Not thinking much more about it I returned to my room and put the poster on top off my wardrobe went off had a cup of tea and as it was a sunny evening a walk in the garden with Eddie where we talked about the class we both attended.
I tried to explain to him what had happened, he laughed at me and said your off your head !! we both laughed as I said I suppose that is why we are in St Pat’s !!! as Eddie say’s “Its the medication stupid !!!” once again laughter as we continue our walk joking with each other, as we are joined by other patients from our floor, the poster was never mentioned again
A couple off weeks later I started my [ CBT] Therapy which is about helping people to deal with trauma and post traumatic stress disorder, something I never thought about until I had my breakdown / breakthrough.
It was at one of these sessions that I was to realize and learn about a thing called “compassionate self “
This is a therapy where we look at the decision’s we made in our lives and why we made them etc. what where the positives and what where the negative?
As I continued on with this therapy my mind was becoming more clear about the past I was for the first time able to stop beating myself up and start to regain my self esteem and self respect by knowing that my decisions were made for the right reasons and not self gain or self glorification hence your compassionate self.
It was after one of these sessions that I returned to my room to prepare my laundry bag that I happened to take the poster down, as I left it on my bed I looked at it one more time only to see the biggest success any human being could have
After suffering a near fatal mental health breakdown i am now blogging on mental health issues where I will share my personal experiences and give talks to groups on the importance of looking after your health
Blogging on mental health in Ireland
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