A FUNNY THING HAPPENED TODAY ON MY VISIT TO THE MARIAN SHRINE IN KNOCK COUNTY MAYO (6th August 20018)

IMG_20161228_142413

I started my day in the normal way, breakfast , chat at the table, and feed the dogs and cats  before we left for Knock Shrine 

During the drive my mind wandered to my many visits to Knock in the 1950’s and 1960’s A time when for the people from the north of Ireland our faith and belief in the Catholic Church was unquestioned,where because off our faith we constantly faced persecution, suppression,and discrimination,where the church and its religious orders nursed our sick,delivered our babies, educated us to prepare us for the world, where we where taught that education was the door to personal freedom  As christian brother Hanley often told us , ” they may take your clothes , your home and in some cases your life but they can never take your brain, your mind or your freedom of thought your education is your gate to freedom”.

As my journey continued my mind then turned to the more recent past and the reasons why I ended up disillusioned with the catholic church and its priests and nuns , the abuse of little children , the abuse of single mothers as they took their babies from them and sold them into other families like cattle at a mart as they forced many of them to leave their homeland in search of happiness as the trauma of their loss was unbearable many where lost to alcohol, drugs, and an early death, the slavery of the Magdalene laundries , the abuse of young people and children at the Artane boys home and the abuses carried  on young men in Letterfrack  and of course the abuse of girls in Golden Bridge.

HOW COULD ANYONE CALL THEMSELVES CATHOLIC OR CHRISTIAN ? HOW CAN I ONCE AGAIN ENTER A CATHOLIC CHURCH LOOK AT A PRIEST AND NOT WONDER ABOUT HIS ACTIONS WAS/IS HE ALSO GUILTY OF WRONG DOING? IS HE ALSO ONE OF THEM ?

So I lost trust, I lost faith in the church ,in its Priests its  Nuns its Bishops and its Cardinals as they covered up the rot/ cancer that is /was within the Irish Catholic Church,so I became a total sceptic of the church , but I still held on to my own spiritually as I continued my own relationship with my god through daily prayer so my excursion to Knock was more to satisfy others than myself , so what was to happen was totally unexpected and remains totally unexplained by me.

We arrived at knock and I let my wife and my sister-in-law out of the car at the main gates to the old church as I went to park the car,to join them later.

When I  returned I found the girls in the mass card shop buying mass cards after which we made our way to the Church for the mass , but I made a detour to the book shop for a look around , during which I found a number of books that I hope will be of benefit to me as I work through my illnesses mental and physical.

After this I proceeded to the main church and joined up with my wife and sister-in-law as we waited for the 3pm mass but this for me was not going to be your ordinary mass this was different there was a sanctity about it as up to 30 priests made their way around the alter to say a celebration  mass for priests and to pray for more people to come forward to serve in the priest hood.

It was during the sermon given by a Fr Finnegan  at this mass that  my thoughts and attitude  seems to have changed.

For the first time I heard a priest ask for forgiveness and to acknowledge the wrongs committed by the church on the innocent children entrusted to their care, for the wrongs committed by his fellow priests on the young people they betrayed and destroyed their innocents and lives,who betrayed the church and their fellow priests and nuns , this priest stood in front of the whole congregation of about a thousand  people and asked us in all humility to forgive the church,he then went on to outline what are the real purpose of a priest, to serve their community to be that trusted hand of comfort to those in distress and sadness, to bring and work the gospel in word, deed, and example to his flock for which he is their Shepard.

This is the kind of priest that I had known the Fr Bradley’s the Fr O’Neill’s the Fr McAllister’s, these were as a young person and a boy I looked up to, who I served mass for , who where regular visitors to our home in times of great stress to offer comfort and prayers to our family when we needed them most

So now the question is ,” do I return to my faith do I give it another go”?  do I do as Fr Finnegan ask’s and forgive and acknowledge  the weaknesses of the church do I remove that pedestal ? BUT I HAVE A FEELING AFTER THE SERMON TODAY I MAY NOT HAVE TO , AS THE CHURCH IS NOW ON THE WAY TO DOING THAT THEMSELVES

THANK YOU Fr Finnegan for your  passion and your truthfulness and yes I will give it another go.

 

Image result for pope francis

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

THE GOOD FRIDAY AGREEMENT AND THE BRITISH CONSERVATIVE PARTY

Image result for ireland

Listening to Jonathan Powell on rte this morning, he raised a few very serious questions about Brexit Theresa May and the Conservative Party

The most important thing he pointed out was/is the attitude of the Brexiteers to the Good Friday Agreement, ( GFA) where some are advocating its removal to be replaced by majority rule.

In the mean time the British are attempting to gerrymander the voting boundaries in favour of the unionist parties, while they ignore the fact that the vast majority of the nationalist community live and work in the areas of Derry, Mid-Ulster, South Down, Armagh, Fermanagh, South Tyrone,while the unionists control,: North Down, North Belfast , East Belfast , East Derry County,  East Antrim

So as the last Westminster  election and the assembly elections shows the unionist majority is indeed a very flimsy one.

Over the past 20 years the GFA has guaranteed that a political settlement can be reached but the behaviour of the British Conservative party have now put all that at risk

So lets  ask the British do they want a return to this

 Image result for ira ireland

Image result for ira ireland

Image result for ira ireland

 

 

 

 

 

OR to continue  with the efforts to maintain the peace process Image result for northern ireland peace process

Image result for northern ireland peace process

On The Run

There are many reasons for a mental illness, especially depression  and how we deal with it.

Depression can be caused by a childhood trauma,being made feel useless to the extent that you loose your self confidence and self  esteem

Soon after this abuse begins you are inclined to ignore it or decide (Ah, I WILL SHOW THEM ATTITUDE, I’M BETTER THEM !!! )

Mistake number 1;  In later life This can be the seed of / for depression, this is when you go on the run , not from them your abusers but from yourself because every time you fall or fail you will get up and brush down  with that thought on your mind , {I AM AS GOOD AS OR BETTER THAN THEM}

As this continues through your life you  start to loose contact with what you really have achieved in your life the positive things in your life,but their comments of negativity and disrespect  continue to control you as you struggle on with your life  you keep running away from yourself by trying to measure up once again to the very people who have caused the problems in the first place and who have played a significant part in your suffering !!!

time to end that suffering ,look into the mirror and ask your self how was my life ? where did I succeed write it down and compare what you have achieved with the lives of your bullies and abusers

TIME TO STOP RUNNING

TIME TO FACE YOURSELF AND TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

 Related image

 

The Holidays Are Over So What Now?

So here we are, all the rushing, exchanging presents,  eating Turkey eating pie and the few glasses of wine is over for another year.

As I sit here in front of my computer and look back over the past few weeks and wonder was it really a happy Christmas and New Year, and yes in many ways it was and yes I did make a few mistakes and no I did  not drink wine but my beloved wife did and for the first time in 2017 we laughed and hugged as we chatted about the year the sad times the happy times and the not so happy times especially as I have from May to December 2017  been receiving treatment for a acute bout of depression, and PTSD which had me hospitalised for 10 weeks plus 6 weeks as  an outpatient as I received further treatment on how to cope with my depression.

Depression is a very serious illness and sometimes it’s not easy to re-engineer our lives in order to live with the consequences of the illness . As there is no one fits all solution’s for depression so in order to do that we need to learn about your /our particular illness.

The one thing I learned last year, was about taking responsibility for my mental health, taking the things that will come at me every day and being able to cope with them, to achieve this I  will be using what I was taught on the WRAP course, the most important thing is to have a structure that we can use as our guide and in some cases our crutch to lean on when things are not so good, just as if you see someone with a broken leg he uses a crutch for support, and so our structure for our bad days is our crutch.

So what is our structure and how do we implement it?  below I have listed some of what I use for my structure:

One of the things I find difficult is getting out of the bed which in many ways it can be a fear of what the day holds, this is because every thing in our minds is exaggerated and even-tho we had what we thought was a goodnight’s sleep we might still feel tired so the first thing to do is make yourself get up make the bed and head for the shower, because those jets of warm /hot water hitting your skin will waken up your senses and you will feel refreshed for the day ahead , this to “ordinary/ normal person” does not have the same type of effect as it does for a  person with depression because that shower will wash away all our fears and anxieties for that day.

1, If you have a mobile phone with an alarm set it for fixed times to remind you to take your medication, that was one of the things I would forget until it was to late to take them, the alarm solved that problem for me.

2, Have a daily plan of what you want to do that day and a backup plan for any changes like the weather but the one thing to do is to get out for that walk or that cup of tea/coffee so that you can meet other people who are not family to maybe have that conversion about the weather or any other topic that comes to mind or just to say hello

3, Make up your day with little tasks , like cooking or doing some kind of volunteering work that will help others, join a men’s shed group doing these things will enhance your sense of well being and self esteem

4  In the morning or in the evening do some kind of meditation, in a room or a space you are comfortable in, where you can play any kind of music that will help you to relax.

5  Another thing that you can do , is keep a journal of the things that made you smile, and the people you met these are things you can write about at a later stage

The above are only a couple of suggestions as to what  can be done to  help with your structures which are so important for your daily life.

 So in conclusion can I wish all my fellow suffers out there A Happy New Year And Every Success in 2018

Happy New Year To 2018, As We March Forward In Peace And Unity Of Purpose To A United Ireland.

It was 100 years ago 1918 that the majority of the Irish people voted Sinn Fein  in a British general election for a united and free Ireland from British Colonial rule

As result of this election the Sinn Fein Party / The Republican Party, refused to take their seats in the British parliament and moved to the Round Hall In The Mansion House Dawson Street Dublin and created the first Dail  ( Parliament ) of Ireland

This situation was totally unacceptable to the British who ignored the democratic wishes of the people of Ireland which led to the war of Independence [ 1918 – 1921 ]

100 years later and after much suffering and loss of life within the Irish nationalist communities  in our six counties which the British with force of arms and threats of murder/war partitioned our country in 1922, its once again Sinn Fein who are leading the way in our ongoing struggle for  the return of our national sovereignty as they are once again the Biggest political party in Ireland, so what for 2018.

Will Brexit in a almost perverse way lead to a united free Ireland solidly embedded with the European family of nations, This should /must be in 2018 the most important challenge for our government both nationally and economically once again I say

 ALTHOUGH IT IS 100 YEARS LATE OUR NATIONAL SOVEREIGNTY  MUST BE RETURNED AND THE WISHES OF THE IRISH  PEOPLE RESPECTED

A NEW YEAR A NEW BEGINNING

Slider_01

 As 2018 Comes in and 2017 enters the past its a time for looking forward in hope of better times and good health and mental health.

As we look into this upcoming year its a chance to reinvent our lives and take positive action in support of ourselves , time to kick out those things that caused us bad mental health in 2017

So lets reassert our self esteem our own self worth and face into this new year with confidence and a determination to succeed at any challenge that will face us.

                         Happy New Year

LOOK FOR THE SIGNS,AND REACH OUT

Image result for suicide

Over the past six ( 6 ) months I have been lucky enough to meet some of the finest and bravest people anyone could ever hope to meet in a life time.

We all had one thing in common,we all suffered from depression to varying degrees, from acute to post traumatic stress disorder to bipolar all of which plays havoc with our minds.

The feelings of being useless and a burden to our family and friends can and does drive our mind to the darkest of places

During conversions where we talked to each other as we went through the recovery program we all had one other thing in common and that was the contemplation of committing suicide and or self harm ( bad thoughts !! )

We all had different reasons / triggers for such bad thoughts, as we had different experiences in our lives, for some it was peer pressure,or the trauma of losing a loved one, for others it was trying to deal with end of life issues like retiring from your job,ill health, or reliving a early life trauma like child sexual abuse or trying to recover from rape,or a recent episode of sexual or mental abuse within a relationship or from a family member ie a brother sister father mother uncle or aunt, plus of course a so called friend of the family

All of us avoided that final settlement because we had support someone we could reach out to, someone who cared and would listen to where we where at, not to understand the whole picture but knew enough that we needed help, or in some cases stopped ourselves because we realised the hurt, damage, and shame such an action would have on our families, but the most important thing was we all sought help, our mind illness was so severe it was the hospital or the casket,we chose the hospital.

We were the lucky ones ,we had that outreach that helping hand to get us past that crisis.

As we all know Christmas can be  for many people a very lonely place, where all around there is the parties , the shopping , the Christmas dinner with family and friends, but for some, things are not right we are down and not fitting in with the festivities we are alone in that crowded room, our head is burning and spinning and screaming I need to get out of here I need quiet, I need peace, I can’t go on anymore,I need to end all of this.

 THIS IS WHEN YOU NEED HELP.    YOU NEED TO REACH OUT. ITS NOW YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE, BUT HOW DO YOU DO THAT ? WHO CAN I TALK TO ?

NOW IS THE TIME TO MAKE THAT CALL TO A HELPLINE  CALL ;

THE SAMARITANS: PHONE FREEPHONE 116 123

AWARE FREE HELPLINE: 1800 80 48 48

 CALL YOUR GP OR YOUR CLERGY MAN :

GO TO YOUR LOCAL A&E :

 

Image result for suicide